Friday, January 20, 2012

My Subconcious vs. My Kids

I am pretty positive that my subconscious has a vendetta against my kids. I mean really, why wouldn’t it they made me fat, vulnerable, moody as hell and they also deformed my body in a way in which I will never be able to get back no matter how many stairs I climb or how high I pull my pants up.
 I really think my subconscious is taking over my body and trying to abuse my children. I will explain… The most recent incident occurred today. The girls and I made a quick trip to the store and as I am walking with them to the door they are holding my hands, being their typically annoying but cute selves skipping and jumping up and down. Once we reach the entry way #2 falls (this is very normal for her, as she inherited my clumsiness) and once she hits the ground, face first, I not only continue to walk (I have a delayed reaction when stuff like this happens) but I step, more like I stomped, on her poor, innocent little finger with my (VERY HEAVY) fat shoe. Of course as a normal caring mother would I picked her up and blamed her for jumping up and down and said she knows that she has no balance and it never would’ve happened if she just walked like a normal freakin person. (Nobody saw me step on her so they just assumed it WAS her fault). OK well that might not be so bad because it could have just as well been her fault that I stepped on her. Well when I got home I started thinking about how often I hurt my kids on accident. Just the other day the girls and I were playing a game that I like to call ‘beat up mommy’. As the girls and I are wrestling (keep in mind it’s two against one here) I not only drop #2 but at the same time I back hand #1. Now of course I feel bad about this and I comfort her and tell her mommy didn’t mean it, it was just an accident. She understands but continues to cry because deep down she probably thinks it was on purpose. Again, not so bad I’m sure it was an accident, I’m sure my subconscious had nothing to do with this. But see there are a lot of times when I am just not so sure. We have a very skinny hallway and I don’t know how many times I have literally trampled over my kids and not stopped. I know it sounds bad but when I am walking through the hallway and they walk out of their rooms my brain tells me to stop but it is like my feet take over, I feel my body speed up and I take them down to the point to where I actually trip over them as they are croppy-floppin on the floor.
 I am not sure if this is a typical mommy thing, my subconscious or my natural clumsiness but I think it is safe to say that I have yet to completely injure them so if it is my subconscious that is doing this then all I have to say is… thank you subconscious mind for doing the things I want to do to them without making me feel completely and utterly guilty about it.
Does your subconscious mind hate your children? Is this normal?


  1. I found your blog a week or so ago and I think it's hilarious!! I also would agree that my subconscious has forced me to do things, or say things, that afterward I think to myself, "Did I really have to say that? What kind of a mother does that?" Maybe it is normal? Very often whenever my children hurt themselves doing something stupid, I will say, "See?? This is why I tell you not to do that!!" They will reply with, "But, mommy, you never told me not to do it." Oops?? Even if it's not normal, at least you can know you are not alone!!

  2. I have too had those moments when strange non-loving motherly things come out of my mouth and I think the same thing, "was that really necessary?" But I also think that we are under a lot of pressure here, trying to take care of kids and make sure they are breathing at the end of the day.

    The worst is when I see my kids doing something I know they will probably get hurt doing but I just ignore it and hope they learn their mistakes... yeah right