Thursday, January 12, 2012

WTF Mommy Moments

There are moments in parenthood when your children are the most precious little angels and you are so proud to be a mom. But believe it or not those moments only come around in doses. Many new mommies experience moments that they cannot believe are happening, when their precious little angels do something so ridiculously stupid, disgusting and horrific. These are called the WTF Mommy Moments. Yes they happen.

These are things your What to Expect book do NOT prepare you for. If you have experienced these moments then you know exactly what I am talking about.

It is VERY important that when these things you need to stay very calm and NOT beat your kids to death (regardless of how you feel about spanking in moments like this your judgment will become very clouded by confusion and rage).

In most cases (especially mine) when something like this happens....
It doesn't matter how prepared you think you are and how good you have been doing about not dropping the f-bomb, or the s-bomb or even the MFSSOB-bomb (you can decipher that one on your own) they will come out of your mouth like vomit in your 1st trimester, there is no stopping it. When this happened, for instance, I did nothing but yell god awful profanities while ripping sheets off the bed and pacing in very small circles. (Be clear that my kids were already in the bath playing like they were having the best day of their life, and no I did not beat them to death, not that it wasn't a thought).

Needless to say I closed the door (yes I left it there), grabbed a beer (no I'm not an alcoholic) and sat on the couch and stared at the wall (as if it were my kids) and kicked it's ass with my eyes. 

NOTE TO PARENTS: It is a good idea to step away from the kids in a moment like this because this is how CPS gets involved!  

Of course when the wall could'nt stand anymore of my abuse I finished my beer, got the camera and took a picture (it is good to have proof to show your husband why you are being such a bitch when he gets home and that it's NOT PMS!!).

No comments:

Post a Comment